Ever seen the movie “What Happens in Vegas”? This is a line from that movie that makes me laugh every now and then. It has become a “Mincer-ism” as all three kids use it regularly, too. You know, one of those family bonding moments that involves hitting a guy in the “privacy” and saying “You know why!” Granted, we do not (usually) do the hitting part, but the little punk has taken his dad by surprise by doing this and screaming the line while running away. Cruel, huh? We might have just a teeny-tiny bit of humor that is sick and twisted at our house. Don’t judge. Anyway, this line is heard in our home in all sorts of occasions. And it’s great for coping with difficult people….but don’t REALLY do it, just visualize.
Well, I don’t even know why I’m blogging today other than I want to get into a regular habit of doing so. And I started this post in a completely random way but this week has actually been pretty uneventful so far. My moods aren’t crazy (sometimes I think maybe medication is necessary) and the kids are doing wonderfully. I had the longest giggling fit at the most inopportune time, though. I read my mom’s Facebook status after I checked my phone before going to bed (at midnight….on a school night!). It gave me such a good laugh….you know the kind that make you feel invigorated and that all is right with the world? Except that it energized me so much that I didn’t fall asleep for another couple of hours that night. (Maybe I should have tried something more interesting than playing Temple Run but a few mindless hours are necessary sometimes.) Her status had to do with adult ADD which I don’t think she has as much as just having too many things going on in her head at one time. I tried to read the status to my darling husband but I couldn’t do it. Laughter overtook me every time! But I was thinking how fun it is to be able to share that with him.
That’s when I realized how special that time is between a husband and wife. That’s such a small part of my day but I realize that it’s a BIG, important part of life to share small moments in the quiet of night just before falling asleep. You know, when the kids are in their own beds, the dog is snuggled at my feet and it’s so quiet that you talk in whispers just because it seems appropriate. It’s that moment when you realize that your spouse has your back no matter what and that any problems will be solved somehow. Someone who lessens every burden by letting one talk, share fears, share the joys and most importantly, just being together, connecting for a moment before exhaustion kicks in. Life is too busy all of the time. I’m so scheduled to death that I have an agenda emailed to me daily and it’s synced with the girls’ iPods and Bobby’s phone so we can all be on the same page. A bit OCD? Maybe…but I gotta keep this stuff straight somehow. Anyway, this one small moment of the day changes relationships. I know that when I was in such a terrible mood all of last week, I look back and realize there was no connection like that. We were in different worlds and I didn’t want to be bothered in mine and he was busy with his other wife (the race car, in case anyone gets worried). I’m not even sure I connected with my kids other than going through the motions. But that connection isn’t realized until it’s gone. My mom shared with me that it is one of the things that is hardest to deal with since my dad died. I can't imagine that ache of wanting to share the day with my husband and knowing that I never will be able to again. I have the opportunity to keep this ritual every night with my husband and yet I don’t always do it. Laughing at the day, encouraging each other, hoping/dreaming about the future, praying, resolving problems or providing support and just listening to each other are rituals that should be a priority. I can see that when “life gets in the way” and it’s just too exhausting some nights to do anything but fall into bed, the missing connection with your spouse will eventually eat away at the most important relationship of the whole family…..the marriage! If I were honest with myself, I would say that last week was not one of the happiest weeks of our marriage, it wasn’t the worst, either. But who wants that? I wanna go big, or go home. So that one small moment, with my mom’s crazy status update, and having my love to share it with, did wonders for me, my mood and the entire house. That tiny ritual isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. It really is the little things that count the most. So when I get in a mood and think that ritual isn’t worth anything, I need to hit myself and scream “You know why!”
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