I think I'm going to try writing short blogs daily as I'm not doing a very good job of keeping this blog current at this point.  Hey, life is busy!  A lot of things on my to-do list get left on there for quite some time (Bobby....you still need to get that trim painted!)

So here's some of the things that I'm extremely thankful for.  A long Thanksgiving weekend with all of the kids.  We crammed in a lot: Breaking Dawn part 2 (movie), pinterest craft day, Thanksgiving dinner at mom's, cozy time, snacks-soups-desserts at our house, lighted holiday parade, seeing friends, Christmas tree shopping and decorating the the tree while having a snack attack day (nothing but junk food today...which I'll pay for starting tomorrow with boot camp class).

I have always been one of those people who enjoys tradition. We have several activities that we enjoy with our kids that would fall under tradition since the kids say that we "have" to do something a certain way.  We cannot tag a Christmas tree until the place is open so we can have hot chocolate.  We also have to walk around the tree farm looking for a tree even though we know we'll most likely pick one that has already been cut and is easily found by the shed/store.   We have several artificial Christmas trees, but everyone's favorite is the REAL one that we get.  I see all these pictures of beautiful, theme trees and think it would be nice to have one but as we are pulling out all of the different Christmas ornaments from years' past makes my mismatched tree more beautiful.  I'll never throw away a "blue blob" like some people.  I treasure each item the kids have made, their pictures and even the special ornaments that we have purchased because there is a story or tradition behind each one.   

Christmas PJ's on Christmas Eve, making the kids wait until I'm ready for them to come see the tree on Christmas morning (which is actually the day after Christmas....blended family = adjustment), stockings, opening one gift at a time, dinner with the "good" dishes, cookie baking day, Santa Mouse, reading Christmas books, Aunt Opal's tea ring, enjoying time with our extended families playing games and sharing memories.  I love all of it.  But yet there's still something missing....  life moves too fast for my taste.  The kids are growing up and I know my time is limited on the magic that permeates the season.   I miss the guitar playing while the Christmas lights are on and the TV is off.  I miss that our family holiday this year will be changed even more so than it has since dad died.  Dad would completely understand this quote..

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.  ~Carol Nelson

So, my goal this Christmas season and throughout the year, is to enjoy each fleeting moment and push the sadness out of my mind.  I'm so thankful for all I've been given in this life.  It would be a waste to worry about the if's and "I wish"-es.  

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The Kids are Watching

So, I have so many great ideas for a blog recently.  I've been thinking of how to fit in "big" words to grate on a certain someone's nerves and I have the best one to use for another time.  And I constantly have ideas floating about my head.  Last week, I even typed up an entire blog that I was ready to post until my computer shut off and I lost everything I typed.  Frustrated, I said "forget it" in a not so nice way and decided I wasn't doing it again.  Now that I've cooled down, I can start fresh.  A lot has been happening at our house, but then again, it's really not that much, either.  Confused?  LOL  Me, too.  Let's go back a few weeks though.

This blog has to do with that famous "mom" line that I always heard growing up.  And now I hear myself repeating it to my own kids, as well as my students!  You know the one.... "Do as I say, not as I do."  Yeah, annoying, right?  I always thought so.  What I do know through brain research from all of my college classes, as well as my own experiences, is more fitting with this quote.... "Don't worry that your children never listen to you, be worried that they are always watching you."  (Robert Fulghum)  That kind of changes things, eh?  However, I hope our kids were watching a few weeks ago.... let me explain why.

Our kids got an amazing first-hand lesson in perseverance and the value of friendship thanks to their wonderful dad/sdad.  The final racing weekend was looking to be exciting as Bobby was "thisclose" to a championship with 2 races to go.  The 2nd to last race saw a competitor crash him out of competition and inflicting quite a bit of damage to the car.  It was pretty extensive and Bobby declared the season over as there was too much work to be done to be able to race the very next night.  The loving, competitive wife that he has (hahaha) rolled her eyes and called a BFF.  Well, I know just who to call, apparently, because the response I got was "call me after you wash it".  I did so and also sent pictures of the damage.  Now, realize this is about 11 pm but he says "I can't fix it in Davenport, get it back to Burlington to the shop."  Bobby is still adamant about not busting his butt to get it fixed but he shakes his head at me and agrees to at least go see what the-all-powerful-Mattie has to say.  The kids are insisting on fixing it and they were more than happy to sleep in the car on the way home AND in Matt's driveway for over an hour as the damage is surveyed and a plan of action figured out.  Friends and family put up some cash to pay for replacement parts and Matt, Taeger, Bobby and I set out working on putting it together. I was the first to give up with the excuse that I need to get the kids home....it was now after 3 a.m.!  The guys kept working until after 4 a.m.  and even then only came home to grab a quick shower and a nap before hitting it hard starting early the next morning.

The kids were up early and ready to spend the day at Midland playing, riding the 4-wheeler and whatever else they could do to pass time.  They were so good!!!  We worked until 4 pm...just in time for the guys to rest for a few minutes before heading to the race track.  I really don't know how they stood up...that was hard work and I only worked half as hard for half the time!  But the reward was so amazing...I only wish Bobby could have been in the stands to hear it first hand!  Our kids had never cheered so hard (Bobby was running 2nd) nor were they ever so proud of that 2nd place finish!  Hey, we usually are crabby finishing second....nothing but winning is good enough!   Those cheers and hearing the kids talk about what truly amazing friends we have to spend so much time (and money) to help us was just phenomenal.  We are truly a team and being able to SHOW the kids what hard work is and how it pays off is so much better than explaining to them.  And for them to see what it truly means to help others will make them better people.  I can't wait to see what the world has in store for them!  To be so truly blessed with friends (that really are like family) and family that are loved so dearly is worth more than all the money in the world!  

So to those people that worked so hard....you know who you are.  THANK YOU!!!  You not only helped fix a stupid old race car (really, is Bobby EVER going to quit), but you have been an example to our children that will be molded into their character forever.  I know (and, I'm not worried) that our kids ARE watching.   Mandi

"A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his arms are empty."

You Know Why!

Ever seen the movie “What Happens in Vegas”?  This is a line from that movie that makes me laugh every now and then.  It has become a “Mincer-ism” as all three kids use it regularly, too.  You know, one of those family bonding moments that involves hitting a guy in the “privacy” and saying “You know why!”  Granted, we do not (usually) do the hitting part, but the little punk has taken his dad by surprise by doing this and screaming the line while running away.  Cruel, huh? We might have just a teeny-tiny bit of humor that is sick and twisted at our house.  Don’t judge.  Anyway, this line is heard in our home in all sorts of occasions.  And it’s great for coping with difficult people….but don’t REALLY do it, just visualize. 

Well, I don’t even know why I’m blogging today other than I want to get into a regular habit of doing so.  And I started this post in a completely random way but this week has actually been pretty uneventful so far.  My moods aren’t crazy (sometimes I think maybe medication is necessary) and the kids are doing wonderfully.  I had the longest giggling fit at the most inopportune time, though.   I read my mom’s Facebook status after I checked my phone before going to bed (at midnight….on a school night!).  It gave me such a good laugh….you know the kind that make you feel invigorated and that all is right with the world?  Except that it energized me so much that I didn’t fall asleep for another couple of hours that night.  (Maybe I should have tried something more interesting than playing Temple Run but a few mindless hours are necessary sometimes.)    Her status had to do with adult ADD which I don’t think she has as much as just having too many things going on in her head at one time.  I tried to read the status to my darling husband but I couldn’t do it.  Laughter overtook me every time!  But I was thinking how fun it is to be able to share that with him. 

That’s when I realized how special that time is between a husband and wife.  That’s such a small part of my day but I realize that it’s a BIG, important part of life to share small moments in the quiet of night just before falling asleep.  You know, when the kids are in their own beds, the dog is snuggled at my feet and it’s so quiet that you talk in whispers just because it seems appropriate.  It’s that moment when you realize that your spouse has your back no matter what and that any problems will be solved somehow.  Someone who lessens every burden by letting one talk, share fears, share the joys and most importantly, just being together, connecting for a moment before exhaustion kicks in.  Life is too busy all of the time.  I’m so scheduled to death that I have an agenda emailed to me daily and it’s synced with the girls’ iPods and Bobby’s phone so we can all be on the same page.  A bit OCD?  Maybe…but I gotta keep this stuff straight somehow.  Anyway, this one small moment of the day changes relationships.  I know that when I was in such a terrible mood all of last week, I look back and realize there was no connection like that. We were in different worlds and I didn’t want to be bothered in mine and he was busy with his other wife (the race car, in case anyone gets worried).  I’m not even sure I connected with my kids other than going through the motions.  But that connection isn’t realized until it’s gone.  My mom shared with me that it is one of the things that is hardest to deal with since my dad died.  I can't imagine that ache of wanting to share the day with my husband and knowing that I never will be able to again.  I have the opportunity to keep this ritual every night with my husband and yet I don’t always do it.  Laughing at the day, encouraging each other, hoping/dreaming about the future, praying, resolving problems or providing support and just listening to each other are rituals that should be a priority.  I can see that when “life gets in the way” and it’s just too exhausting some nights to do anything but fall into bed, the missing connection with your spouse will eventually eat away at the most important relationship of the whole family…..the marriage!  If I were honest with myself, I would say that last week was not one of the happiest weeks of our marriage, it wasn’t the worst, either. But who wants that?  I wanna go big, or go home.  So that one small moment, with my mom’s crazy status update, and having my love to share it with, did wonders for me, my mood and the entire house. That tiny ritual isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. It really is the little things that count the most.  So when I get in a mood and think that ritual isn’t worth anything, I need to hit myself and scream “You know why!”

Ramblings, family, & blessings

This second blog entry is long overdue.  I really did have good intentions of keeping up with my ramblings so that my journal would be easy fun for my kids to read one day.  It’s daunting to “put yourself out there” as this blog needs to be.  But I’m not writing this for any, besides my children, who choose to read it. 

 So what is on my mind on this September day?  I realize that I’m completely affected by music and reading.  Since both of my tastes are leaning melancholy at this time, this blog is surely to be sentimental.  I hugged my kids extremely tight this week and vowed to play a certain song for them “someday”.  That someday being after they have their own children so I can laugh at their tears as they did to me and dad/sdad.

 I made the mistake of watching a bit of a celebrity fundraising marathon on tv in which the stars discussed their experiences with cancer while raising money to fight this horrendous disease.  As you know our family history with cancer, I suppose you might realize why I stopped on this particular channel. However, it was simply the only station that would come in focus on the TV in my classroom.  Taylor Swift came on with only a guitar player and sang this song…..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS7JrI-JPOc  To set the stage, I was in my classroom working late on a Friday night when this came on.  The tears came easily as one who is a parent only knows.  And then my door opened and the principal (my boss) came in to tell me I should go home and enjoy my weekend.  Embarrassment is an understatement as I tried to “look up and blink” to keep the tears from falling.  I didn’t think anymore about this song until I then heard the end of it on the radio.  Being the self-tormentor that I am, I “you-tubed” it and then learned the story behind the song.  I won’t even get into other than to say it involvs a blog, a boy named Ronan and the incredible story his mother blogged faithfully and honestly (http://rockstarronan.com) .  I caution you that if you choose to read it have a box of tissues.  The song is written with entirely words from this mother’s blog and if you download it from iTunes, half of the money will go to Rockstar Ronan’s cancer fighting foundation. 

 

But back to my story, I was playing the song on my computer and reading about it when Cole came in to see what I was doing.  The kids love music as much as I do and especially if there is a story behind it.  I simply said a little boy had cancer and this song was about him.  Having “my little man” with me, made me realize, as only small moments like that can, that life is so fragile and childhood so fleeting that I need to grab that small moment with everything I have.  Now if you know this little punk, you know there aren’t many quiet moments but he is so very sweet.  He sat on my lap and listened carefully and hugged me tight.  The girls came in during this moment and I quickly said “be quiet” so as not to ruin the moment but it wasn’t exactly ruined.  It did turn to hilarity in the blink of an eye as they started making fun of me crying even though they agreed it was a sad song and felt sorry for the little boy.  Then Bobby came in and asked what was going on and he instantly started crying as he listened to the song and all of the kids start laughing.  Yes, we’re a bunch of babies around here but I promised these girls that they will one day cry over of these things.  This must be my payback as I can remember staring at my mom during sad parts of movies just so I could laugh at her crying.  Yes, mom, I understand now.  But I can’t wait to play it for them, although I hope it’s another 20 years from now! lol

 

It is Saturday and a beautiful fall morning that is very quiet with only Cole at home.  I’ve spent a few of the early morning hours reading “Little Women”.  I’m on a kick to read only classic literature to check off my bucket-list items (shout out to Kathy F!).  The book is very enjoyable but it makes me sad because the love of family & siblings is so evident in every chapter and brings up the hurt of my own fractured family.  I miss my dad and all of his siblings that made family life so wonderful while I was growing up and now am sad that my own kids do not get the full effect of this because of situations beyond our control.  However, they do not know what they are missing as much as I do.  I am partly to blame, I know.  I get hurt and then just pull away from everyone.  This week has been especially so.  So many things are beyond my control and my struggle is to be accepting and know that in time things will be ok even though it won’t be as I wish it to be.  So many things have changed that will forever affect my family and there is no going back.  My dad taught us by example that one must give all to his family and my mom teaches us to give up to God to let Him handle our troubles.  In this teaching, I did something hard to reach out to try to fix what needs to be fixed.  Whether it did anything, I really can’t tell.  Only time will tell, I guess.  In the meantime, it feels much like flailing about at sea or caught up in a storm with no one to ground me. 

 

Feeling sorry for myself and much like I have no family (so maudlin, I know), but that is when the song at the beginning of this blog came to my attention.  It brought me up quick to realize what I do have in front me is quite a gift even though I wish for more.  I’m fortunate for loving kids who make me smile (and grumble, too, for where is the fun in easy sailing all the time?), a son who has randomly been throwing his arms around me and singing “come on baby, with me, we’re gunna fly away from here” to remind me of what’s right in front me, a husband who loves me at my worst (he gets a lot of practice), a job for each of us that provides for our family, friends who are loved as family, and knowledge that while even though my family is fractured now, if I truly needed them, each would be there in a heartbeat just as I would for them.  I guess my lesson is that I shouldn’t waste another day by keeping on with this sadness while I have so much joy beyond that.  While my heart hurts for everyone in my family and grieving for what is lost, I cannot change it. I can only accept and move on. God knows my troubles and my weaknesses.  So, enough of this sadness that I haven’t been able to shake off this week.  I may wish to be in the bay windows with the sunshine warming me as I rock in the chair today and relive happier memories of an easier time but I’ll need to just tuck those memories and wishes away for another day.   Instead I’ll hear my dad’s voice saying “It’s such a beautiful, sunshine-y day, Manners, get out and enjoy it!”  Or maybe it’s Cole’s voice hounding me to go to the Air Show. Either way the message is clear…..today is gift, that’s why it is called the present!   

PS: Cancer sucks.

These wishes I wish and dreams I chase....

The title of my new blog is a line from my favorite song (Matchbook Romance "Promise") and this line has always stuck out to me.  Memories cannot replace my wishes and dreams.  I'm so grateful that I have some amazing memories though (Bobby thinks my memory is a little TOO good LOL). I never thought I'd be a blogger but over the last couple of years life has changed dramatically.  I keep thinking that I want to start journaling. I even have an entire page of topics to write about!  But I still have yet to purchase an actual journal.  You know, a nice fancy one that will last for generations with my riveting tales of life and worldly observations.  Yeah, I know I'm just THAT interesting. 

But back to the title of my blog....this is more for me as it is for others to read.  It's about my memories, wishes, dreams and I'm sure will be filled with the little things my family is doing.  My hope is that it will hold me more accountable to get some things written down for my kids.  Losing my dad has been one of the most difficult things for my family to deal with and also leaves me with so many things I wish I could ask him.  So I'm being proactive and writing down so many things that the kids always ask me about.  Especially the escapades with my little brothers when we were growing up.  The kids always comment that their life just isn't nearly as fun as when I was growing up.  Little do they know the memories they are making right now will be just as sweet for them as the ones I have. 

So that's all I have for now.....we'll see how this blogging thing really goes, though. Thanks for reading!